youre lurking in front of me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You made out with two different species that night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
