New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Who did Billy Mays play for?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize