Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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