Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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