so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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