Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Your tits are I can't wait for
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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