i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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