no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize