How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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