i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just gargled with NyQuil
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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