tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
