we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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