Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
