College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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