dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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