normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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