Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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