kristin has been a bad kristin
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
