You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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