Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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