Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
