Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
