Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
either way he was missing a nipple.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
