The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i now understand why vodka
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize