Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
