There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
