We're facebook friends in real life
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
