dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Come share oat with me in your robe
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There are leaves in my underwear?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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