So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
