Me. At least after what I've been through.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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