If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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