Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
