I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
