If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
