If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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