I should be sponsored by Trojan
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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