Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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