yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
