I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
