White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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