a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
