Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
