so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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