omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
