between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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