1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm passing your future prison.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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