Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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