she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
