i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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