My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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