one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
