I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
