Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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