Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
