and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
