ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
