you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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