Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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