I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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