I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
