I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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