You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
