I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
