how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
