It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
