Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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