he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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