Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Princesses don't give blow jobs
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
