john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
