My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
