We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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