:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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