that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My balls are so social today.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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