a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize