I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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