5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
