I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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