I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize