I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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