her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
