everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
