Duck Duck Cougar?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
