i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
