when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
