Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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