is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
