I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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