This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
