They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
