well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
