I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
