no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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