$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
