Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm passing your future prison.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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