Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
