it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
