3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
