I wish I could punch you in the face.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
