i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
