the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The best revenge is premature balding
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
