Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
