sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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