Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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