I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
