my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize