I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
