I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
