I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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