New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
