i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
