The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
