Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
