the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
