I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
