life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm at about main and main street
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
