what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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