I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
God I need to hump something, right now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
