At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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