We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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