The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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