I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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